High Fly Wi-Fi – No Way!

I have to take a deep and calming breath before I start typing this piece so that I get the facts straight about mobile phone use during flights.  Otherwise I would just rant away about how it is a terrible, awful and dreadful idea which will lead to the collapse of civilisation on a cosmic level, whilst those responsible should be slowly basted with lime and deep fried in the hottest depths of hell.  It seems the deep breath works… 

The European Commission, in their infinite wisdom, has recently approved plans to let passengers shout away on their mobiles in-flight after Ofcom agreed to the proposals.  Airlines will have a choice about whether or not they adopt the new technology provided by OnAir, but so far bmi, Ryanair (obviously) and Portuguese carrier TAP have welcomed the idea whilst Emirates and Air France have already trialed the new technology.

The way it’s going to work is that the plane itself will become a base station for mobile telephony and rather than mobiles seeking out ground-based networks, they will instead route directly to satellites.  Service providers will charge an as yet unspecified roaming fee as the sky effectively becomes a new “country” and the airlines, naturally, will get a cut of the profits. 

Right, that’s that bit out the way. 

Astute readers will have noticed I am not a fan of this idea.  I would be less appalled if airlines offered lectures on beating airport security, removed all the plane doors to save weight or provided cocaine and guns to people on flights out of Texas. 

The Telecoms Law of Morons states that when it comes to mobile phone usage, the volume of speech is in inverse proportion to the intelligence of the speaker.  These loud-mouths are also unable to work out how to put their phone on vibrate and are notified of an incoming call by playing an entire Kanye West album.  Twice.  Many of us will have suffered on trains from the passengers who insist on conducting endless, noisy monologues about the pitiful details of their woeful lives; though then at least, you can move seats perhaps (or throw their mobile out of the window).  On planes, these options are not readily available and as such, I predict that incidents of air-rage are going to sky-rocket.

“Airlines that offer OnAir communication services increase the value of their relationship with their passengers” says their website (www.onair.aero) though I think it needs re-wording.  “Airlines that offer OnAir communication services increase the value of things which will be smashed over people’s heads in huge punch-ups during their flights” is, I think, a more accurate assessment of the idea.

A spokesperson for Ryanair suggested that passenger annoyance was not going to be an issue since their flights were generally under ninety minutes, but for many business travellers, that ninety minutes is where they catch up on sleep after a brutally early start.  The last thing they, or indeed any of us want, is awful ring-tones and noisy conversations just as dozing off becomes an option.

I have looked at a fair few online blogs about this issue and having read perhaps a few hundred responses to the plan, I have so far only found one person who thinks in-flight mobile use is a good idea.  This cheery soul wanted to be able to call his family when terrorists take over his plane, but other than that, there seems to be universal dislike and, in some cases, outrage at the proposal.

As far as wireless communication goes on flights, text message only services (on silent mode) and internet access would be very useful for many (Skype and any other VOIP applications banned of course) and I can see the appeal, but I can’t believe there are people who travel on commercial planes who absolutely have to speak to those on the ground – though I am willing to concede that pilots might be the exception which proves the rule.  If your vocal input is so truly valuable in a global sense whilst in the air, then the chances are, you will have your own plane anyway and can do what you like. 

I think that passengers using mobiles on planes will not be a success and people will choose carriers where this facility is not available.  Lufthansa for example, has said it will not be adopting the system after research showed that a large majority of passengers were against the idea.  Airlines like Lufthansa should start promoting this relative peace in advertising campaigns and I think they could well see an increase in passenger numbers.  It seems that really the only people who want the service are the airlines themselves as a way of making more money at the expense of their passengers – we can only hope that, by ironically not listening to customers on the issue of mobile phones, their financial ambitions are put on hold.

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© 2008 Skyscanner. All rights reserved. Any views and opinions expressed in Nick's Travel Bytes articles are those of the author and not Skyscanner.